


Hot Patootie

by Dresupi



Category: Deadpool (2016), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Car Sex, Crack, F/M, Ficlet, Prompt Fill, Smut, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:18:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8404846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dresupi/pseuds/Dresupi
Summary: Just a Saturday night at the drive-in with Wade and Darcy.  ;)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Upisdre on tumblr prompted: "Wade Wilson x Darcy Lewis - Hot Patootie - Meatloaf, give us that smutloaf." 
> 
> Link to the song [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMRl55U0eDw).
> 
> Originally posted on 19 March 2016 on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/post/141337259324/wade-wilson-x-darcy-lewis-hot-patootie).

“Are you sure, baby?” They were squished into the backseat of Darcy’s car.  Wade’s pants were around his ankles and his hand was full of lube. 

The smooth sounds of the new Godzilla movie—

_It’s not that new._

The smooth sounds of the relatively new Godzilla movie—

_It’s not relatively new either.  It’s actually two years old._

The smooth sounds of the 2014 Godzilla movie—

_I mean, seriously.  That movie.  Pietro and Wanda are husband and wife in it!  That’s not right._

_-Oh my god.  Please.  Trying to set the scene.  There is a scene for this smut, thank you very much._

_My mistake.  Set away._  

The smooth sounds of—

_Why is this movie playing?  Is this set in the past?_

_-It’s a drive in.  They sometimes play older movies._

_Oh.  Wow.  That’s good to know._

_-Shut.  Up._

_…_

_…_

_-Are you done?  Great._

 The smooth sounds of the 2014 Godzilla movie were screeching through the car’s speakers and the other patrons of the drive-in had no idea something beautiful was about to go down. 

“Yes…yes, I’m sure…but wouldn’t this be easier if you were behind me?” Darcy asked, her eyes flicking up to his and back down again.    

“Probably, but I want to see you…make sure you’re cool…sometimes it can be uncomfortable…” 

“Oh, I’m cool, Wade.  Don’t worry…” she huffed out some nervous laughter and he leaned down to kiss her. 

“God, you’re beautiful…” he gazed down at her, naked from the waist down, legs spread wide, one propped on the head rest of the driver’s seat, the other up on his shoulder.  “Beautiful and so fucking flexible…goddamn…” 

_I can’t even believe she’s with me.  And that I’m actually getting smut this time._

_-Wade…_

_Just saying.  Usually you leave me with blue balls._

She whined impatiently, bucking her hips up against him. Reaching for his cock.  Holding it steady while she ground against it.  Oh.  That was hot. 

Jesus. Buddha.  Tom Cruise.  How she could look at his face and see anything worth loving?  Anything worth WANTING?  She wanted him so badly it scared him sometimes.  Scared him because of how it made him feel.  And he never wanted that feeling to go away. 

He shuffled forward, sliding his dick between her folds, breathing heavily as he pushed forward to enter her.  Her hips canted towards him, trying to rush the process. 

He slipped his lubed hand underneath her hips, sliding one finger down from where they were joined to the tight puckered hole where she wanted him.  For whatever reason, she’d asked for his fingers in her ass while he fucked her, and Wade wasn’t one to second guess a moaning woman.  Especially when said woman asked for anal fingering in a car, and then had lube in the glove compartment.  Like she’d been planning it. 

“Unh…” he grunted when he breached the tiny ring of muscle, causing her to clench around him.  “Calm…calm down, Darce…what color, babe?” 

“Green,” she answered. 

“Tell me if it’s ever not green, kay?” 

“I will.” 

Her hips were rolling up, trying to fight the desire to pull away from the intrusion.  He’d been there before.  Stuck between liking it and not sure if you liked it. 

“Feels weird…” she laughed.

He smiled, wiggling his finger a little to get her used to it.  He felt her start to relax, so he pushed in further.  “Feels like you have to take a shit.” 

She coughed, probably trying not to burst out laughing.  “Not what I said.” 

“No, but it’s what it feels like at first…” he’d gotten his whole forefinger inside without her noticing.  Her fingers were tweaking at her nipples.  Wade wished there was more light. 

_???  Eh?  More light, writer lady?_

_-I’m a fanfiction writer.  I’m not God.  Or Buddha.  Or Tom Cruise._

_FINE._

God, he wanted to see everything.  All of her at once.  See his fingers disappearing inside.  His cock.  See what she was doing now, tweaking her nipples with one hand and playing with her clit with the other.  “Shit…Darce…”

“That wasn’t a command, was it?” 

He laughed, steadily sliding his finger in and out of her now.  Her voice was getting breathier as her fingers rolled her clit. “Not sure how much fucking I’m going to be able to do at this angle…” 

“S’okay…it’s almost too much as it is…”  Her eyes closed, she bit her lip.    

He slowly slipped in another finger, meeting a little resistance and stopping to let her get used to him.  “Color?” 

“Green…” she moaned.  “God…Wade…this is so good…”  Her hips bucked lightly against his, her walls clenching around his dick every so often. “I’m close…” 

“God, already?”  he slipped his forefinger fully inside her, as her pussy started to clench around him.  Her fingers circled her clit, speeding up until she came on a strangled cry. 

He slipped his finger out of her, reaching for one of the napkins she’d stacked on the center console.

_I like a woman who plans ahead.  That goes for you, too, Writer Lady._

_-Aw…Wade, fuck your girlfriend already.  This is getting a little long._

“You don’t have to ask me twice!” he reached down to grasp her hips. 

“What?” Darcy asked looking around.  “Who are you—oh…fuck…” 

Oh fuck indeed.  Wade hoisted her up level with his own hips as he thrust in and out, setting a maddening pace.  Darcy was grabbing for something, anything to steady herself, settling on the sides of the seats, bracing her feet as he plowed into her. 

Her toes curled and her breath was coming out in soft pants.  Accentuated with an occasional moan of his name or something he couldn’t quite understand. 

He felt his orgasm build from the small of his back.  “Close…” he grunted, thrusting a few more times before pulling out and pumping his dick as it spasmed, hot jets of come pooling in her belly button.  “Fuck…Darcy…” 

He reached again for napkins, ever thankful for resourceful girlfriends and forward thinking fanfiction writers. He wiped the spluge out of her belly button and she reached for him, pulling him down to her level, searching out his lips.  “Love you, Wade Wilson…” 

He sighed into her mouth, kissing her again.  “Love you, Darce.” 

_Holy shit, that was adorable._

_-Thanks?_

_A happy ending in more ways than one._

_-Okay._

_What? It was._

_-Yeah, we’re done here._     

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/)!


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